gingham and the Eucharist

So I made it to Mass today, pretty good for a Thursday these days. On my way out the door I prayed for Jesus to reveal something, some kind of word or moment like he used to give me. He's been rather quiet lately. I dragged Adam with me, who was sorely angry with me for interrupting his computer game. Gave him the usual lecture on the way about the gift of a mass and the great tool prayer is in life. He shot back with 'no one else has to go'...well they were at camp or work..and besides, they used to all come with me everyday. So 'don't worry about them, just you'. Ive let myself get lazy with daily mass, the two babies put me over the edge. The church is half a mile from my house, I really have no other excuse. My 'littles' aren't getting what my big kids did and I'm constantly reminded to simplify so that I can return to that place and nurture the souls of the younger half of the family better.

Heads turned as Ellie cooed and Adam sulked. When it was time for communion I walked up behind a woman with gingham shorts. Purple and green gingham to be exact. I had the same shorts 20 years ago. I never wore them, but my grandmother loved them. She wanted them, but when I tried to give them to her she refused to take them. Kind of a silly memory of her, but for some reason I remembered today. She was my Dad's mother, she never had a daughter and I was her only granddaughter. Though she wasn't perfect, she was special to me. My baby Ellen's middle name is Lucille after her. She passed away 15 years ago. Though not Catholic she is the one who gave me holy water from Lourdes that we used on Emily's eye when she was a baby and had surgery. The surgery was so successful that her eye is in a text book....that's another story. Grandma is present, still she sends me little hello's here and there. The shorts were definitely a Grandma 'hi'.

As I walked up to Father Vinny Flynn's book popped into my head, The Seven Secrets of the Eucharist. http://www.ignatius.com/Products/SSE-P/7-secrets-of-the-eucharist.aspx . We are all a part of the mystical body, those here on Earth and those who sleep in Christ. We are unified in Eucharist. It's why we share the sign of peace before we receive, it is 'communal', we go forward as the body to receive the body. Even those we have lost are present. He spoke of his Dad in the book that he had recently lost, for me today it was my Grandmother. So my word from God was a visual, a pair of shorts. My little reminder that love doesn't die with the person, love and life is eternal.

....As for Adam, he was still annoyed, but lucky for him (and me) our Parish is now offering confession after Thursday mass. We both got to go. A little lighter, soup removed, we continue our day close to our creator and those we love here, and there.

Soup

Not the food the weather. We walked this morning the two babies and I. I thought it was a good idea but about a half a mile in I almost turned back. The humidity was so thick it was an effort to push the long double carriage. I asked Matthew if we should turn back and get the car, but he wanted to go to the park and there would surely be a tantrum if we turned back. So on we pushed through our town, which is 'main street USA' and usually enjoyable. None of the stores were open,there were hardly any cars and only a few shop owners milling about. Its one of my favorite things about living here, the times when it feels like its all ours. No Benny's (tourists), just us looking through the windows, dripping and hot. We stopped at the bakery quickly (to use the bathroom) and bought a $1.75 mini brownie cupcake with peanut butter frosting and scones that were 1 weight watchers point a piece.

It wasn't worth the walk. There was one family at the park with us. I did what I cant stand seeing other moms do, I was stuck texting my son and Chip while telling Matthew to hold on. The other mother started yelling at her 2 year old daughter because she was blowing bubbles the wrong way...it was time to go. We stopped at the little toy store in town on the way home for, bubbles, and the air conditioning wasn't working. I was screaming on the inside, I hate humidity. I still had to walk the 6 blocks home. It started to rain a bit, but not enough to cool things off. No relief, I was walking through soup.

I got home and wanted to run in to air conditioning but had to take the garbage cans out of the street..because none of my 8 children (well, 2 are too small) could do that for me, only to get to the back yard. It was starting to rain, the sand box was open, a beach towel left out and 5 bikes. Ugh...no one home to help I had to put them away myself. I was drenched the baby was crying, my phone was ringing and I was sweating and annoyed. I really don't think there is anything more aggravating.

Finally I opened the back door. It hit me, the air.

So what does this have to do with anything but my own personal discomfort?

Well, as I got into the shower it hit me. Cleansing...water....how hard life is when we try and walk through and work through sin. Its thick and oppressive, like the humidity. We go on and move through our days with the same kind of effort when we are stuck in sin. Not the horrific mortal sin kind here, but the collection of venial sins... the thick layer of goo covering our soul. I guess confession is calling. Its been more than the usual month or two, we've gotten lazy in our business. And though I know I may not 'feel' the relief as I did in the shower, I'll notice it as I walk through my day. As I sit to pray or clean a mess. Ill see it in the way I listen or stop to hear a silly story that I really don't have time for but that is important to my child. The little signs that confession has lifted the oppression. Too often we look for the obvious signs that confession makes a difference. We don't take the time to look to the small things. What good did the humidity do for me? Saturday afternoon Ill be in line with kids in tow.